Ah, the life of a cartoonist. An ongoing pageant of booze, babes and El Dorados. A life like a veritable fairytale filled with winsome giggles and wads of dough.

I wake up each day, as do most cartoonists (unless they’re hung-over or unemployed, in which case they stay in bed), to the cheerful chirping of little yellow birds in the apple tree outside my window. They all seem to be singing, “Good morning, Philbert, ready to draw something funny, doo wah doo wah?”

I reach out and pluck a big, juicy apple from the tree and a cute little green worm pops his head out and says, “Hey, Philbert! You know what’s worse than finding me in your apple? Only finding half of me!” I can’t help but think, “Damn, even the worms are funnier than me around here,” as I reach for the insecticide.

You see, folks, it’s not always easy to be funny. Take today’s column for example … please. Coming up with a clever little cartoon vignette is hard work. Making it funny as well is darn near impossible. In fact, the guy who draws “Ziggy” has made a fortune as a cartoonist and he was never funny even once!

Fortunately, I get a lot of help. People are always sending me funny ideas for cartoons. Sometimes they even draw them for me. Just today I received an e-mail from a reader with a cartoon attached. Pretty good gag. It was submitted by (I assume) a 9-year-old budding cartoonist named, Greg Pate. Here it is…

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Aside from the Don Martin head, a pretty good job. So, that leaves us with a very good question to consider: Can anyone be a cartoonist?

I’m going to say “yes”. If this troubled little boy can wrangle a titter from us, anybody can. Right?

I’m prepared to put this theory to the test. Let’s start a new feature here on Food for Thought: A News Café that we’ll call, “YouToon.” The idea here is that I’ll draw a little cartoon and YOU, the reader, will submit a caption. Easy-peezy-lemon-squeezy, don’t you think?

(Note to Doni, Kelly, Bruce, Jim, Jim & Joe: I probably should have asked you guys if it was OK to do this, but I didn’t want to. Better you just try to deal.)

A few rules (asking a cartoonist to follow rules is like asking a pit bull to please use his salad fork, but here they are anyway):

1. No (raunchy) profanity. Let’s try to keep things in the PG-13 or at least R-rated level. Not because I’m a prude, but because I want everyone to feel comfortable while they’re visiting Cartoon Land.

Uh, that’s about it. Just post your caption as a “comment” and we’ll see what we can come up with. Don’t be shy, submit whatever pops into your little brontosaurus-sized brain. That’s what I do.

So, as a great cartoonist told me when I asked how to be a successful ‘tooner, “Be funny.” Let’s get started!

Well, have at it, kids! Check back here to see what folks have posted. If you are self conscious, e-mail your caption to philf.anewscafe@gmail.com

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