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Jeff Shively, rest in peace
Obituary-
Jeffery “Jeff” Lee Shively of Redding died Tues., Aug. 26, 17 months after the death of his youngest son, Matthew Shively, 20.
Cancer killed them both.
Jeff was 54.
He was my brother-in-law, married to my twin, Shelly Shively. Jeff was a neuropsychologist, and an early expert-contributor to Food for Thought.
In January he wrote his first monthly column for us. The next month - on Shelly and Jeff’s Valentine’s Day wedding anniversary - he was diagnosed with late-stage esophageal cancer.
When I think of Jeff I remember a handsome, quiet-natured guy with a sweet smile and adorable dimples. I remember the time he was keeping an eye on my then-baby Sarah, who crawled into a wet, ashy backyard hibachi. The photo of a smiling Jeff holding a laughing, sooty Sarah remains one of my favorites.
Jeff had some distinct food preferences. He regarded popcorn as a special food group, and hardly a day went by that he didn’t eat some. He liked Domino’s pizza, thin crust, cheese only. He loved homemade pasta with butter. His idea of the perfect dessert was vanilla ice cream. He liked Folger’s coffee, black; the weaker the better. He spoke fondly of his grandmothers’ cooking; his Grandma Shively’s Red Velvet Cake, and his Grandmother Fawcett’s Golden Rod Toast.
Jeff was a Hoosier, born May 11, 1954 in Kokomo, Ind., where he spent his formative years on his grandparents’ farm. Even as a toddler, Jeff accompanied his grandfather, Levi Fawcett, as they plowed the fields for hours on end. Jeff often fell asleep on his grandfather’s lap to the sound of the tractor in the Indiana air.
He was a gifted athlete, and played nearly all sports. Being a “lefty” made him a natural for first base, where he aspired to become a professional baseball player. He loved music, and played the cello and trombone. In junior high school he was one of the youngest musicians in the community college symphony.
He took competition to another level, and could turn anything into a contest, whether it was Scrabble (”losers pick the game up”), one-on-one basketball, racquetball, running, raking leaves or dieting.
After high school Jeff decided college wasn’t for him, but he changed his mind after working two years on a Chrysler transmission-building assembly line.
At 20 Jeff moved from Indiana to California, where he enrolled in Shasta College to pursue a degree in music. Jeff switched his major to psychology after working as a counselor for Bethel Church street ministry, Salt House. At 21, Jeff married 19-year-old Shelly Chamberlain in a ceremony where the theme was denim and red gingham.
They worked to put Jeff through each of his degrees while starting their young family. Love of the mountains led them to raise their family in South Lake Tahoe from 1988 until 2002, when they returned to Redding to be close to family and establish a practice in neuropsychology.
He earned a variety of psychology degrees: a B.A. from Southern California College, Costa Mesa, an M.A. from California State University, Sacramento, and a Ph.D from the United States International University, San Diego. He earned a Postdoctoral Respecialization in Neuropsychology from the Fielding Institute, San Francisco.
He was a California and Indiana-Certified Psychologist, California-Certified Neuropsychologist, and a Certified Life Care Planner. Jeff was a member of the National Academy of Neuropsychology, Coalition of Clinical Practitioners in Neuropsychology, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology, and the American Psychological Association.
He leaves his wife of 32 years, Shelly Shively, their daughter Brooke Bartimioli, her husband Justin and their daughter, May Bartimioli, all of Redding. Oldest son, Aaron Shively, resides in Sacramento.
He leaves his mother Betty Grondalski of Atwater, father William Shively of Manchester, Ind., sister Cynthia Kilpatrick, of Fair Oaks, and brother Jim Grondalski and sister Barbara Hunsuck of Atwater. He leaves sister Laura Mathiowetz of New London, Conn., and brother John Grondalski of Los Alamos, N.M. He leaves sisters Amy Geary of Kokomo, Ind., Anjanet Shively of Indianapolis, Ind., and brother Justin Shively of Bloomington, Ind.
He leaves scores of in-laws, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. He will be greatly missed on this earth, and in the lives of those who loved him.
A farm boy at heart, and one whose greatest love was the Lord, Jeff lived a life of conviction, humility, self-deprecation and excruciating honesty.
Jeff was devoted to his family, and cherished time together, even when his kids, nieces and nephews eventually beat him at Scrabble, one-on-one basketball and tennis. Jeff loved being a father, and was overjoyed to become a first-time grandfather last summer, and was extremely proud of his new title, “Jeffpa” which joined some of his other affectionately bestowed nicknames: “Shives” and “Grandma Jeff”.
On Aug. 13 he achieved his final personal challenge; to attend his granddaughter’s 1st birthday party.
‘Jeffery Shively, Ph.D.’, had a passion for learning about the brain, and his compassion for serving his patients has no measure. The depth of Jeff’s departure will be great in his private practice, as well as California Forensic Group, and El Dorado County, Sacramento; Alpine County Superior Court systems; Adult and Juvenile Probation, Public Defender’s Office, Child Protective Services, Department of Rehabilitation, and Department of Social Services Disability Division.
A celebration of Jeff’s life will be held 4 p.m., Mon., Sept. 8, at Bethel Church in Redding.
In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made in Jeff and Matt’s names to Mercy Hospice in care of Mercy Foundation North, 2400 Washington Ave., Suite 410, Redding, CA 96001 or to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in care of Bethel Church, 933 College Ave., Redding, CA 96001.
A reception will follow Jeff’s service at Bethel Church.
Refreshments will be served, including popcorn.
Special thanks to my sisters, Shelly Shively and Bethany Chamberlain, as well as Jeff’s mother Betty Grondalski, and Jeff’s sister, Cindy Kilpatrick, for their contributions to this obituary.
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How blessed were all of you to have shared this wonderful man’s life, and how lucky was he to be surrounded by such love. Our heartfelt condolences to Jeff’s family and friends. May his sparkle live on forever in baby May’s eyes.
Oh Doni and Shelly, my heart breaks for you to have lost both Jeff and Matt to such untimely ends. Blessings on you both and your families.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful portrait of Jeff. My heart is with your family.
Yes, a very beautiful portrait. We are so very very sorry for your loss, all of you who loved Jeff.
My heart is so heavy for Jeff’s family and friends. Doni, you have written a touching tribute to a very great man. After reading your words, I feel as if I knew him. May your happy memories get you through this very sad, sad time.
I think its just terrible what that family has went through. Losing a husband and son. God bless them hopefully they go to heaven where they should be while I type these words of hope for the family…
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Blessings.
I am so very sorry — I am sending thoughts and prayers to your family.
Heartfelt sympathy for your family at the loss of your loved one and may you find comfort in the arms of He who created us all.
A friend recently shared this with me. May the words comfort you in your overwhelming loss.
He knows His purpose in taking our loved ones and He’s already seen the reunions that are yet to come….joyful, overwhelming, celebratory reunions. Our God has plans and purposes that are far beyond our understanding. Sometimes those purposes break our hearts, require sacrifices we never agreed to make, or paralyze us with pain. But His comfort is not far behind. He whispers “I allowed this for a reason and some day I’ll tell you what it is”. He strokes our hair and hugs us tight, and cries with us. “Just hang on. It’s not that long before your’ll see them again. And then your’ll be with them for eternity. I promise to see you through this.” Life is hard but God is good. (Terri Blackstone-’Cape Refuge’)
Our prayers and support are sent to you and your Family. What a lovely tribute to him.
I am so very sorry. Extend my sympathy to Shelly and the entire family.
Such a tragic loss. Our deepest sympathies go out to the family as well.
That was a fine tribute and an even finer life. I’m sure it left many readers (like myself) who did not know the good doctor, wishing that they had. Godspeed, Dr. Jeff!
Behind every cloud There’s a rainbow with sunshine And skies of blue So always remember that if you have faith Peace will come to you.
I’m sure that Jeff is at peace now with Matthew, and hopefully you will be at peace knowing that.
We send are warmest hugs (((((Henny & Roger)))))
After attending Matthew’s funeral 17 months ago, it was obvious the strong faith in the family. I wish Shelly, her family and friends a comforting peace during this time. God’s love is boundless and I know he’ll watch over us at all times. God Bless!
Doni,
What a tragedy for your sister as well as the entire family. Will her faith, the new grandbaby and you sustain her?
Will she be able to find solace in hard work? Just questions, no answers.
@ Vivian — questions are always there in the face of loss, AND comfort is also there for Shelly, her family, and friends knowing that though we do not always have the answers we can trust God. Yes, Shelly will be sustained in her faith — this earth does not hold us and Shelly and her children know Jeff is enjoying heaven. He will be greatly missed!!! ….. and yet we know we will be with him again in a place that has no pain, no tears, and no cancer. Shelly and her children have told me, each individually, that God is good, all the time and that they put all their hope in God who is the one who gives them strength and peace and even joy in the midst of sorrow.
What an honor to know this family, and to miss Jeff with them.
Doni, what a wonderful tribute to Jeff. I know how much you and your family will miss Jeff, you are also in our prayers!!
Doni and Family,
The tribute to Jeff is beautifully written. How I wish I could have known him… What a joy he must have been to the family and friends. May the love and support of friends and family sustain Shelly through this very sad time.What treasured memories to be held close to your hearts. My sympathy to all of you.
Barbara
Danny and Sheri Shelly we are so so sorry for your loss of Jeff it came to a complete shock to us ,that he was sick too. we are here for you and both of your losses hes with Matt now, just wanted you to know we sure did love matt alot too! What we new of Jeff he was a very nicee man, and you were always so sweet too. You hang in there honey. Take care of the grandbaby. Our sympathy goes out to you and your family! Love Dan and Sheri HENSON FROM Tahoe
Our family feels so moved and grateful to everyone for your good thoughts, heartfelt prayers and kind messages. Thank you.
To the family of Jeff Shively -
I am so shocked and surprised to hear of your loss. I worked with Jeff at Northern Valley Catholic Social Service and he was a dear to work with. Hopefully the empty void created by his passing will be filled with tons of pleasant memories that warm your souls. Laurie Davis
I am so sorry to hear that Jeff has Passed i am his first cousin one of the twins from his Uncle Bob and Betty i havent seen jeff or cindy in years but my heart goes out to the family. he has gone to heaven to be with the rest of Family and friends and Jesus my prayers are with you all.
PS he hasnt changed a bit same dimple smile looks just like uncle Bill.